One White iPod: Update 2

First things first, thanks go out to BFW734 and MollyGood for joining the list of blogs supporting my quest to trade up from an iPod to Dreamworks SKG.

Second things second, last night a gentleman offered to trade a used Gucci watch that originally retailed for $900. I’m still trying to figure out what such a watch is actually worth, but will try to make a decision in the next 24 hours. So if you still want in on the iPod, make your offer soon. And if you’re in the market for a snazzy watch, you might be in luck. Find something to trade and sit tight.

Wondering what this is about? Here’s the original post.

You Won’t Forget Your Eyes

So, I got this email today:

Dear client. Millions of men are facing this issue, and the smartest ones already got an answer. Extra-Time is ready to contribute to your durability, confidence and happiness. Hate seeing her unhappy face after you finish too quickly? Enter: http://neclefu.com/gall/get/ You won’t forget your eyes after you finally gave her the long-lasting love. She’ll go crazy about you!

It didn’t make a ton of sense to me, because I think it came from a non-native-English-speaker. However, I worried that it was an important message and figured I should do everything in my power to figure out what it means. Naturally, I used Google Language Tools to translate it into German, then back to English, then into Spanish, then back to English again, then into French, then back to English again, then into Italian, then back into English again, then into Portuguese, then back into English again, then into Arabic, and back into English one last time:

Habib clients. The man in charge of more than 1 million, intelligence, which received a reply to one. Sound extra time, pending the expiration of the term of confidentiality and possible contributions. With the face of hatred, and after Riviniati very quickly? Comes : http : / / neclefu.com/gall/get / If not forget the foresight, and so in the past and you happen lasting love. The purpose of the increase in Virginia that moved you!

Now I totally get it.

One White iPod: Update

The response to my iPod-for-Dreamworks idea has been tremendous. Many thanks to Defamer, .:DataWhat?:., Junkiness and The Comedy Central Insider for linking to the post. Unfortunately, while everyone seems to enjoy reading about it, few are willing to put their valuables where their mouths are. While I appreciate the offers of a lava lamp and another iPod, they’re at best sideways steps toward my ultimate goal of owning Dreamworks SKG.

Perhaps you thought I was joking. Perhaps you assumed there was no iPod, had a good chuckle and moved on. Perhaps you were jealous of my ingenuitous ingenuity and clicked away with a haughty huff. But perhaps you never stopped to think that maybe I was both joking and actually have an iPod available to trade. Come to think of it, that is brilliance worth being jealous of.

Now, surely some of you must have an iPod-shaped hole in your heart. Let’s fill it up! Email me, make me an offer and let’s trade. That guy-marries-a-couch movie isn’t going to make itself.

One White iPod

Remember that dude who gradually traded up from a red paper clip to a house? Well, I was thinking about that this morning and got to wondering: What if you took that scheme, but started with something of substantial value, something most people actually want, something like an iPod? Then I did some math:

1000 paper clips cost $5.48 at Staples which means a single red paper clip is worth 0.548 cents.

The average home price in Saskatchewan (where the dude finally traded up for a house) is C$134,000 which converts to about $119,000 in American money or approximately 21,715,328 times the value of the original paperclip.

So, I concluded that if I begin with a lightly-used 20gb iPod Photo, which appears to be worth about $150, I should be able to trade up to something valued at around $3,257,299,200. The only question left was what I wanted that costs around $3 billion.

At first I considered a human being, maybe Steve Buscemi. It seems like I could easily trade up to Steve Buscemi for $3 billion, probably even $2.6 billion. Mostly I’d want him to just hang out with me and buy me cool presents (he’d have something worth around $3 billion, so he could totally afford it). Unfortunately the Emancipation Proclamation went and peed on that parade.

Then I thought I could trade up from an iPod to my very own sovereign nation. Samoa seems affordable, and I could probably get Tonga for an iPod Shuffle. But if I bought the country, I’d have to learn the language, and I barely squeaked by with a C- in high school German, so I ruled that out.

Finally I decided to trade up from an iPod to a company, Dreamworks SKG to be exact. They make movies and TV shows and albums, and I like movies and TV shows and albums, so it’s a match made in heaven. Viacom bought the company for $1.6 billion less than a year ago, so I should have no problem at all trading up to it from an iPod that has $3 billion in trading potential.

So there you have it. Let’s get started. Would you like an iPod? Offer me a trade. When I own Dreamworks SKG, I’ll thank you in the credits of the first movie I greenlight, which will probably be an hilarious romp about a guy who accidentally marries a couch.

Trade offers can be sent to me via email.

Good luck!