Archive for July, 2005

On an Island in the Sun Darci from Kittenpants an…

Wednesday, July 27th, 2005

On an Island in the Sun

Darci from Kittenpants and I came up some reasons why The Island tanked last weekend. Here’s a taste:

Cut the scene where Scarlett Johannson comes out of the screen and bes my girlfriend

Here’s the whole shiny thing. Michael Bay can feel free to use any of them.

Alba’s Ass: The Motion Picture Have you seen the …

Tuesday, July 26th, 2005

Alba’s Ass: The Motion Picture

Have you seen the trailer for Into the Blue? I’ve watched it three times. It looks terrible, yet I still feel compelled to go see it at any cost.



Weird Spam of the Day From: Webmaster fraudwatche…

Tuesday, July 26th, 2005

Weird Spam of the Day

From: Webmaster fraudwatchernetwork. com
Reply-To: webmaster@fraudwatchernetwork.com
To: mtobey@gmail.com
Date: Jul 26, 2005 7:26 AM
Subject: Link exchange request

Hello,
I have found your website matthewtobey.com by searching Google for “patricia heaton fakes”. I think our websites has a similar theme, so I have already added your link to my website.

You can find your link here:
http://www.fraudwatchernetwork.com/news/patricia-heaton-fakes.html

Euro-Bloggin’: Volume Two Jackie and I have been …

Monday, July 25th, 2005

Euro-Bloggin’: Volume Two

Jackie and I have been back from our vacation for like three weeks, and I’m just now getting around to blogging about it. I rule. Anyway, volume one is here. Here’s volume two…

We left Detroit on June 19th, headed for Amsterdam with a layover at JFK. This is me on the flight from JFK. Note my porcelain-like complexion. Not only was this my first trans-Atlantic flight, but it also marked the first time I got to watch a movie on a plane. It was Ocean’s 12. I’d seen it before, but I didn’t let that stop me from joining the mile-high club.

If you look closely, you can see that my reading material is Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. Foer’s first book never seemed like my cup of tea, so I skipped it, but I checked out the new one upon a friend’s recommendation. It was by far the best book I’ve read all year. Knocked my fucking socks off.

The flight was fine, and we landed in Amsterdam around 8am Holland-time on June 20th. This was our room at The Frisco Inn, a cozy and friendly hotel just a couple blocks away from Centraal Station and right around the corner from The Red Light District.

Interesting thing about Amsterdam:
The stairs are ridiculous. Legend has it, the city was once torn in two when the big powerful stair-maker and the big powerful ladder-maker became embroiled in a feud. As luck would have it, the stair-maker’s daughter fell in love with the ladder-maker’s son. Their fathers vehemently objected and a violent and well-choreographed song-and-dance street-fight soon broke out. When the dust cleared, both the son and the daughter were dead, so the stair-maker and the ladder-maker vowed that until the end of time, stairs and ladders in Amsterdam would be indistinguishable from one another.


Another interesting factoid I learned about Amsterdam: Marijuana and prostitution are legal. At first this seems really cool. “What a laidback liberal utopia we’ve stumbled upon,” we thought. But, as with everything, there are tradeoffs. For example, while you can get a smoke or a poke without fear, the following are all illegal in Amsterdam:

  • Calling your feet “dogs”
  • Maraschino cherries
  • Humming the theme to Family Ties while wearing sandals
  • The color burnt sienna
  • Splenda
  • The 1987 Chevy Corsica
  • Burning sienna
  • Forgetting Lara Flynn Boyle’s birthday
  • Murder
  • The hiccups

More tomorrow…

Call Me Crazy …but I really dig this weird UK L…

Friday, July 22nd, 2005

Call Me Crazy

…but I really dig this weird UK Lost promo.

[Thanks Jason]