Archive for June, 2003
I’d like to thank the literally hundreds of readers who visited my site yesterday, as I, along with at least 63 other sites, celebrated Appropriate Michael Savage’s Name For Your Own Purposes Day as a gesture of solidarity toward Take Back The Media, Michael Savage Sucks and Savage Stupidity. It was a lot of fun, and there was some incredibly funny and pointed writing going on. You can read my final list of participating sites in the post below this one. Hopefully we can all band together again and take aim at Fox News or the RIAA* soon.
I’d especially like to put Neal Pollack in the bush for organizing the whole operation. And speaking of Neal, this will probably be my last substantial post on this blog for the next couple of weeks. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ll be taking the reins of The Neal Pollack Invasion from June 30th through July 11th. Be sure to tune in. The posts will be twice as funny and 17-times less self-congratulatory as the ones on this blog! I’ll still be posting a link or two each day, so don’t think you’ve got an excuse to not check out The City of Floating Blogs while I’m off subbing for Neal.
*I’d like to say a little something about this RIAA thing, specifically this story. Can no one fathom the idea that ear-insulting music and not file-sharing might be to blame for the slightly flagging product sales of these multi-millionaires? Is anyone surprised that those are the artists who are using technology as a scapegoat? Fuck you, Sheryl Crow, Brooks & Dunn, Mandy Moore, Shakira, Peter Gabriel, The Dixie Chicks, Mary J. Blige and Vanessa Carlton! When you make an album like this, this or this while having to keep a day job, you can complain about your album sales. Until then, shut the hell up, you fucking cry-babies.**
**Do you know what my favorite thing about that rant is? The fact that it’s written in the second-person, as if Vanessa Carlton and Brooks & Dunn are actually reading my blog, as if rich celebrities don’t have their own better and secret Internet, as if this so-called “Perfectatasticalnet 6.0″ isn’t only available on million-dollar PCs reverse-engineered from angel-technology, as if the Perfectatasticalnet 6.0 doesn’t feature blogs written by space-aliens of cornea-disintegrating beauty and intelligence billions of years more evolved than ours. I’m so naive!
Here’s an updated list of the son’s-of-bitches I’m going to sue:
Upon learning of the intentions of Matthew Tobey and his City of Floating Blogs to appropriate my name today, I, Michael “Savage” Weiner have beaten femme-boy Tobey to the punch and have hereby hijacked this blog for the day.
Now that I have control, this space can no longer be used as a platform to make jokes about the fact that I enjoy tossing the salad of underage Middle Eastern men. It’s the most romantic thing that can be shared by two of God’s creatures and a jar of peach preserves, and there isn’t a single funny thing about it. Furthermore, with me hacking The City of Floating Blogs, you can expect to not read any jokes about any of the following:
1. I’m so racist on account of my being too busy masturbating with my own poo to take the time to understand other cultures. Down with affirmative racism! Up with poo-masturbation!
2. I hate women so much because my mother made my father stop “making love” to me.
3. I wrote and produced 2/3 of the new Liz Phair record.
4. It was my idea for Joey to end up with Pacey instead of Dawson.
5. My torso fat, body odor and facial ugliness are in a constant cage-match to the death.
No, instead of reading clever barbs about my internal and external hideousness, you folks will be subjected to my round the clock coverage of all of the sites that I’m planning to sue for appropriating my name, just like I’ve already begun suing Take Back The Media, Michael Savage Sucks and Savage Stupidity.
So far, these sites are for sure going down:
More to come, scumbags!
Imagine my shock, excitement and urge to buy a Segway and ride it from Anchorage to Buenos Aires when I checked my site statistics this morning and noticed that I had surpassed my average number of daily visitors by 11am. Are you imagining it? I’m wearing a yellow shirt if that helps.
“What could have caused such a boon in the site traffic?” you, like I, surely have already asked the wisest of your elderly loved ones.
I don’t know about you, but there were only three possible explanations running through my head. In a secretly particular order, they were:
2. A piece on TechTV sparked an overwhelming interest in heroin blogs, prompting people all over the world to happen upon The City of Floating Heroin Blogs via a Yahoo! search.
3. Neal “The Peal” Pollack linked to me on his new-and-improved-ish The Neal Pollack Invasion in reference to my upcoming stint as his guest blogger. You can read the entries from my previous gig as Neal’s sub over there on the left, in the writings section. For two whole weeks, beginning this coming Monday, you can see me blogging my ass off over there. Don’t miss it.
As you’ve probably already guessed, the answer is all of the above except #1 and #2.
Speaking of Neal Pollack, don’t forget to check out his site, this blog, Haypenny and scores of other likeminded web-entities tomorrow for Appropriate Michael Savage’s Name Day. For more info, you can read Neal’s original announcement here or my post about it here.