It’s Friday. Why not wind down your week with some reading?

I just can’t seem to get enough of Other People’s Stories. It’s some of the most compelling, non-gimmicky writing on the web. It’s also been added to my oh-so exclusive links list. I swear I’m like the Steve Rubell of bloggers.

Believe it or not, that esoteric pop-culture reference was a segue.

I want to put Rick Chandler in the bush for writing a very clever and poignant piece about Dennis Miller over at The Black Table, or as I like to call it, The Tigris and Euphrates of quality web-based writing. Check it out. And when you’re done, you can find more information on old comedians who are so washed up that you’ve begun to wonder if they were ever funny in the first place here, here and here.

My plan to have 10 million people put in the bush by year’s end is developing quite nicely.

First of all, I’d like to put Donnie Boman and More Chinese Food in the bush once again for wasting no time in joining the effort. This morning, Donnie personally put 20 people in the bush. Go check it out. It’s inspirational!

Secondly, I’d like to put Rob Theakston in the bush for passing along an unconfirmed report that The Bushman, himself, has been made aware of my blog and the bush-putting-in movement herein. If this is true, and The Bushman is reading this, then God bless you sir. I put you in the bush one thousand times.

The revolution will be blogged about!

While my Google PageRank has maintained at a steady zero, my traffic from Google searches has increased a bit. And while it’s exciting to know there are more people reading my blog, I can’t help but feel a little guilty that net-surfers in search of one thing are finding another, very different thing: this website.

That said, I’d like to address some of the recent folks who’ve stumbled upon The City of Floating Blogs via Google.

To the man or woman who searched for “cheap dildos,” I am truly sorry. There are no dildos here, my frugal friend, only self-indulgent semi-humor, I’m afraid. I wish you luck in your search for an affordable artificial phallus, and thank you for reminding me that while I might find myself in a rut, thinking that my life isn’t what it should be, there’s no one worse off than the poor and horny.

To the misled soul who eagerly navigated onto my site after a search for “nude blogs,” please accept my heartfelt apologies. How giddy and excited you must’ve been, thinking you’d finally found a nude blog, only to have your face slapped with a fully-clothed, almost-hilarious blog. Believe me, I know how you feel. I personally search for “nude blogs” on a daily basis. But alas, the technology just isn’t available yet. Someday, dear weirdo, someday.

And what a surprise it must have been to be faced with the lily-white ass of my blog for the person who innocently searched Dogpile for “Black People Blogs.” While I do everything in my power to ensure that my site is the melting pot of the blogosphere, I’d be a no-good liar if I were to claim that I am a Black person, or that my blog is a Black people blog. Not that it’s a White people blog; it’s just a blog.

There is some good news from Google though. First of all, this morning at 2:09 am, someone searched for “Matthew Tobey,” and ended up here. If there’s one thing this site is brimming with information on, it’s Matthew Tobeys. Good work Google!

Finally and best of all, folks who’d been frustrated by the fact that a search for “Legally Blonde 2 Soundtrack” garnered no results can now breath a collective sigh of relief as The City of Floating Blogs is now the sole resulting link.

God bless the internet!

On Tuesday, I asked my readers to help me discern whether “putting” people “in the bush” was a local or national phenomenon. The response I got was immeasurable. And as you may have already read in the comments section, putting people in the bush was not only local, it was confined to a single radio program hosted by “The Bushman.” As it happens, The Bushman is still on the air at WJLB, as he was when I was in Junior High. It seems I romanticized those memories to the point of thinking putting people in the bush was as common an early 90s fad as acid-washed jeans, slap bracelets and not ever having a girlfriend, when in fact very few had the pleasure of putting someone in the bush or, better yet, being put in the bush by a chum.

But I’ve decided that putting people in the bush was simply ahead of its time. Think of The Bushman as the R&B Deejay equivalent of Jules Verne if you will. That said, I hereby declare 2003 the year of putting people in the bush! By Christmas, if at least 10-million people haven’t been put in the bush, I shall will my body to convert itself into pure energy so that I may leave this awful world and become one with the cosmos.

Let’s get started.

I would like to put Warren Buffett in the bush for showing John DeLorean and Michael Milken that ludicrously rich people don’t have to be crazy and evil. He does it everyday of his life, but he recently reminded me why he’s my favorite multi-billionaire with this article from the Washington Post that puts the dividend-tax issue in very plain terms. Not that knowing how bad it is really has a chance of making a difference at this point.

In addition, I’d like to put Donnie Boman and his website More Chinese Food in the bush for posting that link in the first place.

Now, I’d like each of you to put at least 20 people in the bush this weekend. Post something in the comments to keep me abreast of the movement’s progress.

Well, I’m feeling pretty good today. All the people who said I’d never amount to anything must be feeling pretty dumb. You see, I’ve been named one of the winners of the Nerve.com Bad Erotica Contest. Clicking on that link will take you to my entry, a piece of “found erotica” in the form of a pornographic Alf fan-fiction story.

The rules for the “found erotica” part of the contest stated that, for legal reasons, all pieces must be under 300 words. So the thing you’ll read on Nerve is merely a compilation of the best chunks of the story, which in its entirety is over 2000 words long. If you’ve got handy access to a cold shower and a puke bucket, go ahead and read the complete story. But be careful if you’re at work, the page has a porn banner-ad.

It should be noted that the story had been pulled off of the site that it had been hosted on originally, and we’re only able to read it now thanks to the brilliant Internet Archive Wayback Machine, the handiest most amazing tool since the Phillips-head screwdriver.