Apparently, Illinois Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. (D) has introduced legislation to amend the US Constitution in order to guarantee every American citizen the right to an equal high quality public education. If ratified the amendment would mean an end to our current “states rights” education system and would lead to equal funding of all of the nation’s public schools.
At first I thought this was a great idea, simple and brilliant, a huge step toward bridging the huge educational and opportunity gaps between the classes. But before long my blood boiled as I realized that Jackson is a sleazy fat cat just like all of the other Washington windbags.
Just think about who will really benefit from such an amendment. Of course there are the obvious groups such as every single American child and all of the country’s underpaid and overworked public school teachers. Then there are the millions of people who will get all of the new jobs that will be created in order to renovate and repair the thousands of schools that aren’t yet up to par with the best, most technologically advanced American schools. And yes, learning disabilities will be diagnosed and addressed, youth depression will drop, the workforce will be bigger and brighter, homeowners living near the schools will see their property values rise considerably, crime will decline drastically along with dropout rates, science and the arts will flourish like never before, the clouds will clear and God will smile down upon us all in the form of a soft warm sunbeam that smells like daisies and love. But who really benefits from this amendment? Well, start by asking yourself what will become extinct once all public schools are adequately funded. Give up? The bake sale!
That’s right, the whole thing is being orchestrated by “big baked-goods.” Lobbyists from Pillsbury to Duncan Hines are surely lining Jackson’s pockets to ensure that their biggest competition is permanently taken out of the equation. Shame on you Representative Jackson, shame. The next thing you know, he’ll be toppling the chicken soup industry by proposing universal health care.
Boy, that was a lot of typing to get to a couple of lame punchlines. You’re welcome.